Down To Earth Newsletter
Volume 7 – Issue 1 – January, 2008
Join us at – AHWATUKEE HAS HEART – The 2008 Health and Wellness Expo – Saturday, February 16th from 8a-4p at the Ahwatukee Park / Community Center – 4700 E. Warner Rd. There will be a 5k walk and run in the morning, followed by an obstacle course, activities for kids, nutritious food, and health and wellness screenings and information booths. Register for the 5k at Active.com.
Debunking Myths – It’s Best to Just Keep your Mouth Shut
Myth: People in relationships sometimes keep their problems to themselves because they think that bringing them up will only make things worse. They worry that starting a conflict will make the other person angry and get them into a fight. They think that just keeping their mouth shut about it will be the best way to preserve the relationship and keep the peace.
Fact: Conflict is a natural part of all relationships – even healthy, happy, mature, intimate relationships. Hiding or suppressing concerns does not make a relationship better. In fact, it makes it worse.
When someone that you care about does something that makes you uncomfortable or upset, you owe it to yourself and to the other person to find a tactful, loving way to bring it up so you can work out your difficulty. Having these sorts of candid discussions actually enhances the relationship by allowing you to solve problems together, reach compromises, and build trust.
The key here is to how you express your concerns. Calling your husband an insensitive monster is not a tactful way to let him know you’re upset. Telling your wife she better shape up or ship out is not a loving way to express your displeasure. THAT kind of behavior does make the relationship worse. That’s not what we’re talking about when we talk about expressing conflict here. We are specifically talking about finding tactful, loving ways to share your feelings.
On the other hand, when you are in a relationship with someone who is not interested in how you feel – someone who is not going to respond maturely when you express your concerns – it would be best to find that out now, rather than to devote more time and effort to a relationship that will ultimately need to come to an end anyhow. Staying in that kind of relationship makes it worse for everyone.
December Discussion Question: What could make 2008 your best year ever?
Long-time subscriber, Jerry F. from AZ, offers this outstanding response:
I want to get myself out of debt, pay off my credit cards, and start saving for my retirement. I want to fix up my home so it can be my castle to return to after a hard day of work. I want to look for a new job and maybe even change careers. I want to take more time for exercise and fun activities and pay more attention to nutrition. I will make sure to get enough sleep and most of all, I want to meet that special someone that I can share my life with.
Whoa, Jerry! Sounds great!!! Keep us posted! Your DrMarlo prizes are on their way!
January Discussion Question: If you had a crystal ball, what would you like to know about your own future?
E-mail answers to: discussion@drmarlo.com and answers will appear next month. Your state of residence, your first name and last initial will be used unless you tell us not to use them. Anyone who responds and also includes a mailing address will receive our fantastic information cards, NEW RECOVERY REMINDERS, and a couple of temporary tattoos, just for fun.
Thought For The Day: Trust your instincts.
PERSONAL GROWTH EXERCISE
To spotlight our E-Coaching services, our newsletter includes a personal growth exercise each month. These exercises illustrate the kinds of activities our clients are asked to complete when they are using our E-Coaching services. The exercises printed here are quite general in nature, but the exercises sent to our E-Coaching clients are individualized to meet each client’s specific needs. We currently offer a package of 10 E-Coaching Sessions for $500.
Plan to Succeed
It’s been said that a failure to plan is a plan to fail. This is true, in that, if you never make any sort of plan for yourself, your life is rather uncertain. Good things may happen and bad things may happen, and all of it is sort of a big accident and maybe you end up somewhere good and maybe you don’t. There are lots of people who are relatively satisfied with their lives who really haven’t planned much of anything out – they have just taken what life has handed them and made the best of whatever that was. There’s nothing particularly wrong with that, provided you have the serenity to be pleased with whatever life hands you, no matter what that is.
For the rest of us, those who want to have a more active role in our lives, we want to plan. We plan our education, career moves, families, financial strategies, color schemes, vacations, construction projects, or even the menu for a Superbowl party. We have listened to coaches long enough that we believe that plans are necessary for success.
However, many of us don’t actually plan for success, we plan for continued struggle. It comes down to the very wording of our plans. Language is incredibly powerful. Read the following pairs of statements and see which one sounds like a plan for success and which one sounds like a plan for continued struggle:
A – Depositing $15 per week into a retirement account for one year will give me $3000 when I retire in 14 years.
B – I want to stop wasting so much money on frivolous items.
A – My body works better when I give it fruits and vegetables, exercise, and enough sleep.
B – I need to quit eating so much junk late at night, watching TV ’till all hours.
Both statements lead a person to the same course of action – saving money or eating less – but statement A focuses on success and statement B focuses on a continued struggle.
Think now of several problem areas in your life and let yourself write a goal for each of the problem areas. Then, examine the goal and see if you are setting yourself up for a continued struggle by sheer virtue of the language you use to describe your intended actions, or if you are able to word your intentions in terms of impending success. If your goals need re-writing, then edit them as many times as it takes to word them in a way that points towards success.
For a FREE 5-Session Trial of E-Coaching, send us a report of how this activity worked for you! We may share your report in our next newsletter with your name, last initial, and state of residence (unless you tell us not to). Send to FreeSessions@drmarlo.com. (Offer Expires 2-19-08)
E-Coaching! Try it Now!
Not every problem is a mental illness. Not every issue is a trauma. Not every botherment is an emotional disorder. For life’s daily issues and for personal growth, now there is E-Coaching! Dr. Marlo Archer offers a 10-session consultation package for people who are not diagnosed with any mental illness who would just like some coaching, some guidance, or some personal growth. We are offering the 10-Session package for $500. Begin by using PayPal to send a $500 payment to DrMarlo@drmarlo.com, then send an e-mail to that same e-mail address, expressing your specific area of concern to begin!
Dr. Marlo’s Movie Madness – NEW DATE AND TIME – Entertainment and Education
Dr. Marlo’s Movie Madness has entered YEAR FOUR and we have moved the date to Thursday around lunch time. We continue to show a free movie with a mental health theme and interested parties can stay after the movie for a discussion about the movie. One credit informal CE is awarded for a $10 fee. Networking 11:15am-11:30am. Movie at 11:30am, Discussion until 2pm. Upcoming Features: February 28 – October Sky (Suggested relentlessly by Duane Brickner) Suggest movies for March 20th, April 17, or May 15. If your selection is chosen and you have included your mailing address, we will send you a FREE DVD MOVIE from previous years’ Dr. Marlo’s Movie Madness. Sign up for Movie Madness updates by sending a blank e-mail with ‘subscribe’ in the subject line to MovieMadness@drmarlo.com.
Publish Your Work – Promote your Practice – Two ways to publish – for free as a semi-anonymous author (your state of residence, your first name and last initial will be used), or, for $10, as a professional promoting a mental health practice (your full name, with credentials, address, phone number, and e-mail address will be included). We reserve the right to decline to publish any submissions. Current subscribers = 2798. Send creative contributions to: articles@drmarlo.com.
Dr. Marlo in the Media
Sarah Acevedo of Fox 10 reports about cyberbullying and I offer advice for parents and teens. Watch the Story Online.
Fox 10 again sought input from the mental health community with regard to a somewhat new industry – pet funeral homes. Click Here for the segment about pet funerals. I have a short statement at the very end.
The Psychology Session – Internet Radio Show – SEASON THREE IN FULL SWING – Season Three is attracting MORE GUESTS! Our January 15th show featured Lisa Jane Vargas from Sierra Tucson Treatment Center. and we will be welcoming Kristi Dee Doden on February 19th. All three seasons of The Psychology Session are available online – and – you don’t have to even download them anymore, you can just play them right out of the webpage! Let’s hear it for Producer Jon! We continue to welcome show suggestions and advertising sales. E-mail suggestions or inquiries to PsychologySession@drmarlo.com. Order SEASON ONE AND TWO ON CD! Only $20. Send requests to PsychologySession@drmarlo.com.
As political issues heat up, please remember to keep a cool head –Marlo J. Archer, Ph.D.
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