Down To Earth Newsletter
Volume 6 – Issue 9 – October, 2007
News for Clinicians – Psychodrama Training – Clinicians, give yourself the gift of wellness by indulging in a 4-day psychodrama training with 2006 J.L. Moreno Award winner, Dr. Dorothy Satten and Dr. Mort Satten. Held November 15-18 at the charming Sabino Canyon Comfort Suites in Tucson, you will get the chance to learn and practice psychodrama and do some of your own work while earning CE’s and taking in the gorgeous desert scenery. Class size is limited. Download the registration today!
News for Clinicians – Helping Employees – Employee Assistance is the work organization’s resource that utilizes specific core technologies to enhance employee and workplace effectiveness through prevention, identification, and resolution of personal and productivity issues. The Central Arizona EAPA Chapter members strive to mentor and support one another… as we focus on workplace issues and the challenges confronting that most precious organizational resource …employees. Our meetings offer an opportunity for professionals to network and market their programs and practices, discuss topics of interest in the field, learn about new resources, and explore better ways to successfully deliver EAP services. If you have any questions about joining this special group, or about an upcoming meeting, please contact Tim Lee, Central Arizona EAPA Chapter President at leetimoa@wellsfargo.com.
Debunking Myths – Why Do I Have To Do All the Work?
Myth: It is fairly typical for a client, during his or her first session, to describe the problem situation in terms of what someone else is doing to make their life miserable. Wives complain about what husbands are doing, Dads complain about what kids are doing, employees complain about what their employers are doing, and kids complain about what their teachers are doing. Everyone wants to talk about what someone else is doing. That is fine for describing the problem, but when it comes to solutions, I can only give suggestions for what the client can do differently. Clients frequently get upset and wonder why THEY have to do all the work when it’s the OTHER PERSON who is creating the problem.
Fact: Well, the fact of the matter is that if someone else is causing the problem, you don’t have to do anything to fix it, but if you’re unhappy and they’re not, they’re certainly not going to be looking to change anything and you’re going to have to if you want to be happy. When I give suggestions for what a client can do to impact the situation, I am not saying that the client is to blame for the situation. I’m just saying that they have the power to make things different if they are willing to do some work. It doesn’t even matter if the other person is willing to do anything different. One determined person, willing to work, can make changes that result in a better situation for everyone. One person cannot single-handedly solve every problem on the planet, but it’s a myth to think that all the involved parties must participate in counseling for things to get better. Sometimes one person in a family can start the ball rolling, initiate positive changes, and begin a chain reaction that results in each of the family members making positive changes, even if none of the other people ever come in to counseling.
Sometimes the whole family will come in, but it’s obvious that only one or two of them are interested in trying anything new and that the other family members don’t think they’re responsible for the problems at all. That’s okay. Not everyone has to be cooperative. It’s just essential that someone be cooperative and get the process started. As counselors, we try to look for the most well-adjusted person in the family who is the most motivated to make things better, and give them the most work to do right off the bat because it’s likely that they’ll do it. Sometimes that person is a 5 year-old child. Yes, sometimes the most cooperative and healthy member of the family can barely ride a bicycle. That’s okay. If someone gets working and changes start happening, eventually, everyone who is interested in having a better life together will get involved. Ultimately, those who have absolutely no interest in helping things get any better will become rather obvious and then you can decide what needs to be done with the members who simply don’t want to improve the situation.
So, if you begin counseling and the counselor has a ton of work for you to do, don’t take it as an insult, like you’re the one who’s doing everything wrong. Take it as a compliment that the counselor has the most faith in you to make things better.
September Discussion Question: In your life right now, who are your oldest and your youngest teachers?
Frequent contributor, Anna K. in WI, offers this:
As far as my oldest teacher, if my grandma were still living it would have to be her. Now that she is gone I have to say that I have many wise older people in my life who teach me a lot but one person does not really stand out. My youngest teacher would have to be my 10 year old son. For one, he teaches me patience (and I have a long way still to go), but mostly he teaches me to slow down and enjoy him and that I have not really loved until I had him. I’m also learning 5th grade science and social studies all over again!!!
Thanks, Anna! Your DrMarlo prizes are on their way!
October Discussion Question: In What Way Have You Changed For the Better in the Last 5 Years?
E-mail answers to: discussion@drmarlo.com and answers will appear next month. Your state of residence, your first name and last initial will be used unless you tell us not to use them. Anyone who responds and also includes a mailing address will receive our NEW INFORMATION CARDS. The new temporary tattoos are also in and you’ll receive some of those as well.
Thought For The Day: The mirror that reflects beauty is well-loved.
PERSONAL GROWTH EXERCISE
To spotlight our E-Coaching services, our newsletter includes a personal growth exercise each month. These exercises illustrate the kinds of activities our clients are asked to complete when they are using our E-Coaching services. The exercises printed here are quite general in nature, but the exercises sent to our E-Coaching clients are individualized to meet each client’s specific needs. We currently offer a package of 10 E-Coaching Sessions for $500.
Put Yourself To Bed Early
When children misbehave, sometimes parents will put them to bed early. For the offenders, this seems to be a punishment worse than death. Children absolutely abhor early bedtime. They argue, cry, whine, beg, and plead – anything but early bedtime! However, the adults prevail and the young hooligan gets sent to bed early, leaving the parent with a few precious minutes of time alone during which they often scramble to complete a half-dozen tasks before collapsing, exhausted, into their own beds, just a few scant hours before they have to get up and do it all over again. They wonder how children can see early bedtime as a punishment and they wish they could have an early bedtime once in a while. Well, guess what? You can, and should!
In an adult’s life, there is no shortage of tasks to do, chores to perform, mail to read, bills to pay, lost items to find, problems to solve, messes to clean. An adult could work all day, every day, from the time they get up in the morning until the moment they drop off into sleep, and many adults do, but that’s simply not healthy. It is essential to get enough sleep every night to replenish our bodies, minds, and spirits, to face the next day. When we run ourselves ragged, our performance in all areas begins to suffer and we make mistakes that result in even more work to do.
Give yourself a break. Everything you think you need to do today will still be there tomorrow. Pick one day this week and promise yourself that you will give yourself an early bedtime. That is, put yourself to bed early one night this week. If you normally don’t get into bed until midnight, but you wish you could go to bed at 10, promise yourself that you’ll put yourself to be one night this week at 9:00.
You may have some honest-to-goodness responsibilities that you think you can’t get out of, especially if you have one or more children. However, if you have a partner, arrange with your partner to take full charge of the kids that day and let you go to bed early, no matter what. No partner? No problem. Have each of the kids stay with a friend or relative one night this week and put yourself to bed early. You may be tempted, with the kids out of the house, to stay up super late and do tons of things you can never get done with the kids present, but resist that urge and just put yourself to bed.
Once you re-discover all the incredibly positive benefits of getting enough sleep, you’ll be more diligent about making sure that you protect adequate time, every day, for you to get your much-needed sleep.
For a FREE 5-Session Trial of E-Coaching, send us a report of how this activity worked for you! We may share your report in our next newsletter with your name, last initial, and state of residence (unless you tell us not to). Send to FreeSessions@drmarlo.com. (Offer Expires 11-20-07)
E-Coaching! Try it Now!
Not every problem is a mental illness. Not every issue is a trauma. Not every botherment is an emotional disorder. For life’s daily issues and for personal growth, now there is E-Coaching! Dr. Marlo Archer offers a 10-session consultation package for people who are not diagnosed with any mental illness who would just like some coaching, some guidance, or some personal growth. We are offering the 10-Session package for $500. Begin by using PayPal to send a $500 payment to DrMarlo@drmarlo.com, then send an e-mail to that same e-mail address, expressing your specific area of concern to begin!
Dr. Marlo’s Movie Madness – Entertainment and Education
Each month we show a free movie with a mental health theme. Interested parties can stay after the movie for a discussion about the movie. One credit informal CE awarded for a $10 fee. Networking 7:15-7:30pm, Movie at 7:30pm, Discussion until 10pm. Upcoming Features: Thursday, November 8 – Chocolat (Suggested by Dr. Michelle May, of Am I Hungry? book and workshops), December 13 – THE SECRET. January 17 – They Shoot Horses, Don’t They? February 21 – October Sky (Suggested relentlessly by Duane Brickner) Suggest movies for March 20th, April 17, or May 15. If your selection is chosen and you have included your mailing address, we will send you a FREE DVD MOVIE from previous years’ Dr. Marlo’s Movie Madness. Sign up for Movie Madness updates by sending a blank e-mail with ‘subscribe’ in the subject line to MovieMadness@drmarlo.com.
Publish Your Work – Promote your Practice – Two ways to publish – for free as a semi-anonymous author (your state of residence, your first name and last initial will be used), or, for $10, as a professional promoting a mental health practice (your full name, with credentials, address, phone number, and e-mail address will be included). We reserve the right to decline to publish any submissions. New subscribers THIS MONTH = 61. Send creative contributions to: articles@drmarlo.com.
Dr. Marlo in the Media
We write a monthly column about teenagers for Arizona Together Newspaper, Arizona’s Good News “Newspaper,” Established 1991. Read October’s Article, “Mini-Lawyers” online. Arizona Together currently reaches 50,000 readers monthly who are interested in recovery from addictions of all kinds.
Fox 10 interviewed Dr. Marlo about the grief and loss local police officers would be experiencing following the shooting death of officer Nick Erfle on 9-18-07. She commented that successful officers must turn off their feelings to do their jobs, but when something like this happens, they need to allow themselves the time and opportunity to express all the feelings they have. She encouraged officers to talk to their spouses, clergy, or staff or private counselors about this incident.
The Psychology Session – Internet Radio Show – SEASON THREE UNDERWAY – We’re Back! All three seasons of The Psychology Session are now available online – and – you don’t have to even download them anymore, you can just play them right out of the webpage! Let’s hear it for Producer Jon! We continue to welcome show suggestions and advertising sales. E-mail suggestions or inquiries to PsychologySession@drmarlo.com. Order SEASON ONE AND TWO ON CD! Only $20. Send requests to PsychologySession@drmarlo.com.
Thanks to everyone who prayed for J.R. in IA, it worked. She is on the mend! –Marlo J. Archer, Ph.D.
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