November 2011

Gratitude for Giving – Join Jon and Dr. Marlo Archer on Friday, December 9th at the Arizona Biltmore – Sierra Tucson hosts this celebration honoring esteemed community members.  Those of us whose businesses are too small to have our own “Holiday Party” find this a great way to ring in the season with colleagues and friends. Register Here by November 28th.

Debunking Myths – I’m Not Doing Anything Important

Myth: I work with a lot of clients who are not working in their dream field. They may be waiting tables, but they’d rather be helping to cure cancer. They may drive truck, but wish they could own and operate a large business instead. They might be calling to collect on overdue accounts, but would rather be changing social policy regarding how easy it is for teenagers to get abortions without parental consent. In any case, the sentiment is always the same – What I’m doing now doesn’t matter. It isn’t important. I want to do something that matters.

Fact: The fact is that it all matters. None of us on this planet can get by without the rest of us. You cannot get to the hospital and do the research to cure cancer without driving on roads where someone laid asphalt in a car whose oil was changed by someone else, wearing clothing that someone else stitched together, and listening to music that required the work of dozens of people to get it written, performed, sold, distributed, and broadcast. The person who will eventually discover a cure for cancer will not have done it alone, but will have gotten to that place on the shoulders of each and every individual who has supported him to get to that place.

Who decides if what you are doing is important or not? Only you. If you decide that it’s important to serve people their food in a cheerful manner and pay attention to what was ordered and to when drinks need to be refilled, then it is. If you decide that it’s not, then it’s not. But wait. I bet it is really important to the people who are trying to use that service. I bet they actually do care to receive the food they ordered and to have their needs noticed by another human being. How do I know they think it’s important? Because you sure hear about it when things aren’t up to snuff, don’t you? That’s proof right there that what you do is important. Now, if you start acting like what you do is important, others will share that view.

Our own view of ourselves is contagious. If you think you’re unimportant, other people will, too. If you think you’re spectacular, other people will, too.  When I get introduced as Dr. Marlo Archer, people often ask, “What kind of doctor are you?” and I’m certain they want to know my specialty – am I a podiatrist, an obstetrician, an optometrist, or an expert in English Literature? I always answer with a flattering adjective.  What kind of doctor are you? Spectacular. That makes people laugh and while they are laughing, I add that I am also a psychologist and I describe what I do now that they are listening. Everyone wants to know what an excellent doctor does, what a spectacular doctor knows, what a superior doctor can do that others cannot.

Is my job essential? Will society collapse if I retire? Will babies in Ethiopia prosper because of my efforts? No. But, every so often, I really help someone. I don’t even know how often it occurs and I would imagine it occurs much less frequently than I’d like to think it does, but for the one person I do help, you betcha it matters. Then they can go on and ring up groceries the next day or change social policy, whatever their task in life may be.

So, do your job, whatever it is, as if you actually believed that what you do is important. Knowing you are part of the larger picture. Acknowledging that you are needed. If you find that you simply hate what you do and it goes against your very values, then, by all means, get out of the job, but if it’s a job you picked because you had talent and interest at some point, or if you just need it to pay the bills, then accept the importance you have in the greater scheme of things and you won’t have to actually cure cancer. Instead, you can just get your company’s payroll out on time or make sure the shelves are stocked, or fill the order that was placed for your product, or do the next haircut or work the next shift, and be content that the work you do is absolutely essential.

October Discussion Question: What do you do when you start to feel helpless?

Colorado reader Randi F. says:  I cannot stand it. I hate feeling helpless. It makes me really angry.  Whenever I feel helpless, I try to immediately focus on something I CAN do so that I don’t feel like there’s NOTHING I can do.

Great attitude!  Watch your mailbox, you will now be receiving the brand new Dr. Marlo Sunglasses!

November Discussion Question: What thing, when it happened, were you not thankful for, but you have since come to appreciate? 

E-mail answers to: discussion@drmarlo.com and answers will appear next month. Your state of residence, your first name and last initial will be used unless you tell us not to use them.  Anyone who responds and also includes a mailing address will receive our Dr. Marlo Sunglasses!

Thought For The Day: Accepting something doesn’t require liking it.

PERSONAL GROWTH EXERCISE
To spotlight our E-Coaching services, our newsletter includes a personal growth exercise.  These exercises illustrate the kinds of activities our clients are asked to complete when they are using our E-Coaching services.  The exercises printed here are quite general in nature, but the exercises sent to our E-Coaching clients are individualized to meet each client’s specific needs.  E-Coaching Sessions are available for $50 each.

The Gift of Silence

Sleigh bells ring, are ya lis’nin’? It’s not even Thanksgiving yet and the Christmas songs are on the radio and retailers are decking their halls with all things red, green, silver, and gold, to usher in the Holiday Season.

We are entering a time of the year when nature takes a rest. Leaves fall from trees, animals go dormant, and layers of snow cover sleeping plants that will spend the next few months in silence, resting up for the rebirth of spring.  Meanwhile, humans will lose their minds driving all over town trying to buy the last copy of a video game in which angry mobs of people kill each other so their children will have something to do during the break from school.

We will go to too many parties, buy too many gifts, put too many things on our credit cards, eat too much, drink too much, stay up too late, spread our time too thin, all in the name of some celebration in which many of the celebrating people don’t even believe.  (It cracks me up every year to receive Christmas cards from my Jewish friends.)

In any case, the Holiday Season can be too much, but only if we let it. Your challenge this month and throughout the Holiday Season, is to give yourself the gift of silence.

Take at least 30 minutes once a week and turn everything off. No cellphone, no computer, no TV, no radio. Get yourself to somewhere that you can be alone. No co-workers, no family, no friends. Sit quietly for 30 minutes and just enjoy the silence. It is within the silence that we can hear ourselves think, that our truest yearnings will come to the forefront, that our priorities become clear, that we become able to let go of the unessential.

For a FREE 5-Session Trial of E-Coaching, send us a report of how this activity worked for you!  We may share your report in our next newsletter with your name, last initial, and state of residence (unless you tell us not to).  Send to FreeSessions@drmarlo.com.  (Offer Expires 12-16-11)

E-Coaching!  Try it Now!
Not every problem is a mental illness.  Not every issue is a trauma.  Not every botherment is an emotional disorder.  For life’s daily issues and for personal growth, now there is E-Coaching!  Dr. Marlo Archer offers a 10-session consultation package for people who are not diagnosed with any mental illness who would just like some coaching, some guidance, or some personal growth.  We are offering the 10-Session package for $500.  Begin by calling 480-705-5007 to make a $500 payment, then send an e-mail to DrMarlo@drmarlo.com, expressing your specific area of concern to begin!

Publish Your Work – Promote your Practice – Two ways to publish – for free as a semi-anonymous author (your state of residence, your first name and last initial will be used), or, for $25, as a professional promoting a mental health practice (your full name, with credentials, address, phone number, and e-mail address will be included).  We reserve the right to decline to publish any submissions.   Send creative contributions to:  articles@drmarlo.com. Currently 2672 subscribers.

Dr. Marlo in the Media