Down To Earth Newsletter
Volume 6 – Issue 4 – May, 2007
When the Worst Has Happened – M.I.S.S. Foundation – The M.I.S.S. Foundation is a nonprofit, 501(c)3, international organization which provides immediate and ongoing support to grieving families, empowerment through community volunteerism opportunities, public policy and legislative education, and programs to reduce infant and toddler death through research and education. They offer a list of Arizona support groups for families who have lost children. Make a Memorial Donation or get items like a mourning wristband in the M.I.S.S. Store.
Debunking Myths – Crying is a Sign of Weakness
Myth: I meet with many clients who will not let themselves cry, stating that crying is a sign of weakness and that they’ll be taken advantage of if they show weakness.
Fact: Crying is generally a sign that something overwhelmingly emotional is happening. It may be enormous joy, sorrow, fear, hopelessness, despair, grief, love, or even confusion. While we are in a moment of extreme emotionality, it is true that we may not necessarily be up to our fullest strength, whatever that means. For example, while crying, one could probably not figure out math problems very well or lift weights or plan a weekly menu for the family. Crying tends to put someone in a temporary state of reduced capacity.
However, when one experiences emotions so overwhelming that tears are formed, it takes an incredibly strong person to stay in the moment, to let the feelings wash over them, embrace them, and perhaps, take them over for a moment. It is an incredibly strong person who can endure emotional pain, let the tears flow, and wait for the emotion to pass. Therefore, I argue that only the truly strong can cry.
Those who are weaker, those who cannot tolerate deep emotions, they use things to cope with emotions, blunt emotions, stuff emotions, or hide emotions. They numb out with drugs or alcohol, they avoid their painful relationships with workaholism, or they simply deny the feelings so forcefully that they move the feelings out of their own consciousness. To avoid or escape your own feelings, that is the easier thing to do.
The people who cry are the only ones truly brave enough to live their lives, as life is presented to them. To be able to cry is proof that you are tough enough to handle pain. So, go ahead and cry when it’s time to – If you’re tough enough!
April Discussion Question: What wish do you currently have for your closest friend?
Here’s an interesting wish from Anna K., of Arizona, who obviously isn’t going to remain very anonymous, but this is what she wrote:
My wish for my closest friend is support. She may be in over her head and I feel helpless in this area. She is the creator of the MISSing Angels Bill which is getting a lot of heat right now. I wish someone who has expertise in legislation or some sway with the public to step in and help her.
(Anyone interested in helping out can use the links in the opening paragraph of this newsletter.)
Another not so anonymous response comes from Amy R., also in Arizona:
My wish for my childhood friend, Nicole is that she finds true happiness and that she finds someone special who reciprocates her love. Nicole is intelligent, beautiful and charismatic and unfortunately hasn’t found the right partner to see her for the unique, extraordinary person that she is.
Finally, the LEAST anonymous response of all comes from Laura A. in Wisconsin, who says:
My wish for my closest friend is that everything you ever wish for comes true.
Awwwww! Thanks! I wish that for you, too!
Thanks to all our contributors! Your Dr. Marlo prizes are on their way!
May Discussion Question: What is the hardest thing you ever had to give up?
E-mail answers to: discussion@drmarlo.com and answers will appear next month. Your state of residence, your first name and last initial will be used unless you tell us not to use them. Anyone who responds and also includes a mailing address will receive one of the “Return to Wellness” Roomerangs as well as our NEW INFORMATION CARDS! The temporary tattoos are GONE, but we have ordered more and we’ll have NEW DESIGNS.
Thought For The Day: If you wonder why anyone would ever love you, seriously question anyone who does.
PERSONAL GROWTH EXERCISE
To spotlight our E-Coaching services, our newsletter includes a personal growth exercise each month. These exercises illustrate the kinds of activities our clients are asked to complete when they are using our E-Coaching services. The exercises printed here are quite general in nature, but the exercises sent to our E-Coaching clients are individualized to meet each client’s specific needs. We currently offer a package of 10 E-Coaching Sessions for $500.
What’s It Worth to You?
Everything has a cost.
The security of having a home costs you the price of the mortgage and property taxes, but it also makes you responsible for the upkeep that an apartment manager might normally do. Owning a home might also limit your mobility, might force you to stay at a job that you’d like to leave, and could mean that you can’t take as many vacations as you’d like.
The joy of having a child costs you your independence, requires that your schedule revolve completely around someone else, and takes away your freedom of choice for a couple decades at a time. A child may require you give up a hobby, frivolous purchases, or getting rip-roaring drunk on Saturday nights. A child might cost you your college education, your dream career, or even your health.
We often find ourselves locked into relationships that cost us much more than they pay out. In the case of a home or a child, it is frequently decided that the benefits far outweigh the costs, but that isn’t even always the case. Further, there are many other relationships that aren’t so clearly worth the price, like the convenience of McDonalds, the thrill of casino gambling, or the excitement of rock climbing. Finally, there are relationships that really don’t seem to be remotely worth the price like being with an abusive lover, being addicted to a deadly drug, or to be completely in love with someone who barely knows you exist.
Take a moment now and list your top 5-10 relationships. Include people, places, and things. (Examples – husband or wife, children, parents, co-workers, bosses, job, career, school, church, car, house, snowboarding, guitar, reading, etc.) Then, for each relationship, write down what it costs you to have that relationship and what you get for having that relationship. For example, you might list the following benefits about having a cat: Love, Cuddling, Entertainment, and Comfort and you might list the following costs for having a cat: Scratches, Bites, Dead Mice as gifts, Frustration that you can’t train them, and Difficulty transporting them.
Don’t give yourself any limit for how many costs or benefits you might discover for each item. Just write as many costs and benefits as you can think of. When you are finished, just look back through them and make observations. Which were easiest or hardest to do? Are any surprising? Do you have mostly costs or mostly benefits for any of the relationships? Do you have any relationships where there are NO costs or NO benefits? What does that mean for your life? What changes might you need to make? Which relationships will you need to work on? Revitalize? Or let go?
For a FREE 10-Session Trial of E-Coaching, send us a report of how this activity worked for you! We will share your report in our next newsletter with your name, last initial, and state of residence (unless you tell us not to). Send to FreeSessions@drmarlo.com. (Offer Expires 6-19-07)
E-Coaching! Try it Now!
Not every problem is a mental illness. Not every issue is a trauma. Not every botherment is an emotional disorder. For life’s daily issues and for personal growth, now there is E-Coaching! Dr. Marlo Archer offers a 10-session consultation package for people who are not diagnosed with any mental illness who would just like some coaching, some guidance, or some personal growth. We are offering the 10-Session package for $500. Begin by using PayPal to send a $500 payment to DrMarlo@drmarlo.com, then send an e-mail to that same e-mail address, expressing your specific area of concern to begin!
Dr. Marlo’s Movie Madness – Entertainment and Education
Each month we show a free movie with a mental health theme. Interested parties can stay after the movie for a discussion about the movie. One credit informal CE awarded for a $10 fee. Networking 7:15-7:30pm, Movie at 7:30pm, Discussion until 10pm. Upcoming Features: Thursday, June 21 – Kinky Boots (Suggested by Kory Kranz), Thursday, July 19 – Little Miss Sunshine, Thursday, August 30 – The Devil Wears Prada, Thursday, September 13 – Radio (Suggested by Duane Brickner), Thursday, October 18 – Harold & Maude, Thursday, November 8 – Chocolat (Suggested by Dr. Michelle May, of Am I Hungry? book and workshops). Suggest movies for December 13, January 17, or February 21. If your selection is chosen and you have included your mailing address, we will send you a FREE DVD MOVIE from previous years’ Dr. Marlo’s Movie Madness. Sign up for Movie Madness updates by sending a blank e-mail with ‘subscribe’ in the subject line to MovieMadness@drmarlo.com.
Publish Your Work – Promote your Practice – Two ways to publish – for free as a semi-anonymous author (your state of residence, your first name and last initial will be used), or, for $10, as a professional promoting a mental health practice (your full name, with credentials, address, phone number, and e-mail address will be included). We reserve the right to decline to publish any submissions. Current subscribers = 2404. Send creative contributions to: articles@drmarlo.com.
Dr. Marlo in the Media
Jason Ludwig of the Ahwatukee Foothills News interviewed both Dr. Marlo and Dr. Kristina Welker for an article about what to say to children about the Virginia Tech shootings. Read his Top Story online.
Colleen Sparks, of the Arizona Republic, Ahwatukee Republic section, interviewed Dr. Marlo for professional opinions about the job of being a mom in an affluent community. Dr. Marlo said that being a mother is the number 1 most important job on the planet, and the hardest, and that being affluent may be nice, but it doesn’t make the job easy. The article is available for purchase through the Arizona Republic.
We write a monthly column about teenagers for Arizona Together Newspaper, Arizona’s Good News “Newspaper,” Established 1991. Read May’s article, “It’s All About Me” online. Arizona Together currently reaches 50,000 readers monthly who are interested in recovery from addictions of all kinds.
The Psychology Session – Internet Radio Show – Season Two – Go to our archives to download any of our shows. We welcome show suggestions and advertising sales. E-mail suggestions or inquiries to PsychologySession@drmarlo.com. Order SEASON ONE ON CD! Only $10. Send requests to PsychologySession@drmarlo.com.
I hope the desert-dwellers are enjoying the cactus blooms! –Marlo J. Archer, Ph.D.
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TO PODCATCH THE PSYCHOLOGY SESSION:
This is an introduction to the podcatching process, by Techie Jon Archer, translated into English (but very poorly understood) by Dr. Marlo Archer.
Podcasting is the process of broadcasting over the internet and Podcatching is the process of receiving, or subscribing to, such broadcasts. Although these procedures were popularized by the Apple iPod devices, you do not need to own an iPod to have fun with Podcasting and Podcatching.
Devin Jones, M.Ed. and Dr. Marlo have been Podcasting an internet show called The Psychology Session for almost a year now. Now you can learn how to Podcatch it.
However, if you do already own and regularly use an iPod to subscribe to Podcasts, all you need to do is add the following link to your subscriptions to begin receiving our show:
http://www.drmarlo.com/currentevents/index2.php?option=com_podcast&feed=RSS2.0&no_html=1
The rest of you will first need to download a Podcatcher. That is software and we recommend one called, “Juice,” which is free. To download and install Juice:
Go to http://juicereceiver.sourceforge.net/index.php. Download the version of Juice that will work with your machine – either Windows, or Mac, or Linux. You will be asked to ‘select a mirror.’ All that means is that you’re selecting a website from which to download the free software. There are ‘mirrors’ all over the world. Find one that is close to your location and click the “Download” link. When a window opens to ask what you want to do with the program, select “save to disk,” then hit, ‘okay.’
When the program file is done downloading, go to where the file is and open it. That is, go to where your computer puts new downloads and open the program. It will be called something like: JuiceSetup.exe. It will probably have numbers between the words Juice and Setup (e.g. Juice22Setup.exe.), but those numbers may change between today and when you try this process, so I am not going to put exact numbers in there right now. Anyhow, it doesn’t matter, you probably don’t have anything else in your download folder that looks like JuiceSetup anyhow. It will be an ‘executable’ file and your computer may have some concerns about that, but that’s okay and you should reassure your machine that it will be alright.
The Juice Setup Wizard will then take over and help you install the program. For most common folk, all the default settings are fine, just agree with everything and keep hitting, ‘okay’ or ‘next.’ until you get through all the screens. The only thing you may want to change is that you may want for Juice to be installed into your start-up folder, meaning that it would automatically check for new broadcasts every time you power up your machine. If you specifically want that, you have to select that during the installation process. The default is to only put an icon on your desktop. For those of you who are intimidated by this process, the desktop icon alone will be fine, so don’t worry about anything I just said, just let the Wizard install Juice the way it wants to.
You may have a firewall that informs you that Juice is trying to access the internet. You should let it. You then must agree with the licensing agreement to begin using the program.
Then you can follow the ITunes Setup Assistant to configure it for your machine. It will probably inform you that Juice is not set to handle some file types and ask you if you want to set them now. You can hit ‘yes.’ and then hit ‘save’ when it goes to the ‘one-click subscription’ options. The items: .rss and podcast should already be checked, and that’s fine.
Now, to subscribe to our show, The Psychology Session, click on the little green plus sign, to add a subscription. When the window opens, cut and paste this into the URL space:
http://www.drmarlo.com/currentevents/index2.php?option=com_podcast&feed=RSS2.0&no_html=1
and then hit ‘save.’
It will instantly catalog all our past shows for you and only the most recent one will be selected to download. You can download as many or as few as you want. Select the shows you want to download by checking the little box to the left of the show titles. Then, when you are ready to download them, click on the green square button that has two yellow arrows on it. (Hovering over the button reveals the words, “Check for new podcasts”)
Once your selected shows are downloaded, a green ‘play’ button will appear next to each show you downloaded. Click on that ‘play’ button to play the show.
When you’re ready to quit listening and close the Juice program, it will ask you if you want to just leave Juice running in the background. If you do that, it will automatically download new episodes of The Psychology Session if any come out while your computer is still on. To have Juice running constantly, you would have had to let it install itself into your start-up directory during the installation process.
When you return to your computer on another day and you want to check if you have any new podcasts, click on the Juice icon (a yellow lemon) to open the Juice program.
This whole process will create a new directory in the “My Documents” directory, called “My Received Podcasts.” It will even organize each of your subscriptions into it’s own folder. There should be a folder there for The Psychology Session, if you installed it correctly and downloaded at least one show.
There may also be some sort of Adam Curry iPodder Test Channel there, and you can just ignore that. Deleting it probably won’t actually make it go away. If you really don’t want it there, then you have to go into the Juice program and unsubscribe from the Adam Curry iPodder Test Channel, then go delete the folder. Otherwise, it will just keep downloading the welcome message for you. You will also be automatically subscribed to “Juice News” which doesn’t currently have any messages in it. You can unsubscribe from that or ignore it, whichever you prefer.
That’s it. You’d be subscribed to our show and ready to Podcatch!
